"Cry it out"

It all started a week ago. I approached Robbie saying "something has to change." I had mulled over various approaches in my mind, but wasn't sure how exactly I was going to get my daughter to sleep through the night. That seems to be the question everyone asks you after your kid is born. "Is she sleeping through the night?"
It must be the question burning on everyones mind....are you getting sleep? Is she getting sleep? Are you sleeping together or is she in her own room?
There are so many different articles and books out there that seem to offer magical advice as to how to get your child to sleep. What I've come to find is that there's no right answer. I've talked to my sisters-in-law who have kids, read blogs, and read books...and everyone seems to have a different answer. The way we did it was pretty much a gamble. We just picked a way, and went with it.
After initially approaching Rob with my plight, he was slightly taken aback. He wondered how we would let our first child cry and cry without maybe causing some kind of damage to her view of us a loving parents. Would it make her distrustful? Insecure? Or would she be fine?
I had read a chapter in one of my go-to books for parents, "The New Basics" by Dr. Michael Cohen. One of his more hard-core approaches was to literally put the child down when they were tired, but not asleep, say goodnight, and leave the room - not to come back until 7.am. However long it took to cry you were to let the child cry and not interfere. At all.
It seems cruel, but after we read the chapter in this book together and read the reasonings behind this approach, we decided we'd give it a try. The author's a doctor, right? We could trust him, right?
Well that night we did it. We took Madi's crib out of our room for the first time since she'd been born. Up until last week, she'd slept in our room, in either the Pack 'n Play, our bed, or the crib. Now she was ready for her very own room! I'll have to admit, once we were a "go" for the plan, I was slightly sad....I would miss snuggling her and having here with me! But I had to remind myself....we all needed better sleep. No more waking every 2 hours for a feeding session..tossing and turning, lying half-asleep stiff as a board, afraid to roll on her or cover her with my blankets.
So we did it - followed through- no interference. We had to simply let her "cry it out" learn to "self-soothe"....
We have learned:
1. She has learned to suck her fingers/thumb, and almost prefers them to her pacifier now!
2. She doesn't really need to eat in the middle of the night, it was probably more for the comfort of it (she's a hearty 18 lbs. at just 5 months old ! )
3. We are all getting better sleep now... and everyone is comfortable.
4. We can function and schedule better during the day now that we have a bedtime/morning routine.
5. Sometimes it takes a little pain in the short-term to grow and learn something helpful for the long term (just like God deals with us!)
I'll admit, it was hard watching my little innocent babe cry and cry, sometimes for a good 30 minutes! But seeing how she learned to calm herself down eventually, and seeing how happy she was in the morning after a good-nights sleep was well worth a few crying spells.
It probably made it a little harder, just cuz Madi has been such a "good" baby since she was born....she never really cried all that much. To see her cry at first made me think something may have been wrong..but knowing she was well fed, warm, and had a clean diaper reassured me that all was well...it would just have to be a season of hardship before a new leaf was turned.
We'll see how long this lasts....its working well so far..until a growth spurt comes, a tooth is cut, a cold is caught...I haven't seen any articles on what to do then! Guess we'll just have to cross that bridge when we get there. I know God will give us wisdom and good instincts to figure it out.

The Almost-Robbery!

I can't even remember the date now...but Madilyn was probably around a couple weeks old. Let's just say it was somewhere in late July....
I had put Madilyn in her bassinet in our room to sleep, and Robbie had just layed down in bed. I got up to get a drink of water and go to the bathroom. As I walked into the kitchen, I suddenly heard the low hum of the garage door opening. The light in the garage turned on, as it always does when the garage door opens. But who could be in there? It was around 1am as I recall...I did remember that Robbie had told his sister Heather that she could park in the garage to keep the cats from jumping down into her car from the sunroof window that was broken. But he hadn't talked to her for a while. I ran to the window and peeked out and saw my other sister in law's car's interior light turned on. Hmmmm, could someone been looking for something in their car, and then decided to check in the garage? But why would they need to open the huge garage door for that? We have a side door.....
All these thoughts went through my mind in a matter of a second. I rushed into the bedroom and asked, "Robbie, did you tell Heather she could park in the garage?" He said, "no, why?" I replied that I had just heard the garage door open, and didn't know who was in there. Robbie shot up out of bed. He rushed into the living room and peeked through the blinds. As we looked in, we could see the smaller garage door which had been left open, and outside a black mountain bike was parked. ..a bike that didn't belong to us! My heart stopped and my stomach sunk. Robbie turned to me and told me to get Madilyn and stay in the bedroom. I asked him what he was going to do. He started thinking about what he could grab...a bat, a hammer....I told him to get inside! I begged him to come inside. All I could think about was someone shooting him out of fear or something as they hid in the garage. I was so scared! Robbie came back inside and called his mom. She said she thought everyone was up at the house, that no one had come down here. Robbie then called the police, and told them what happened, and that we may have an intruder in our garage! He told me to take Madilyn and stay in the bedroom. I went and grabbed a blanket and sat in the glider with the baby and prayed for our safety. Robbie went outside to meet the police and his mom to describe what happened. I looked out and saw cops searching around our house with flashlights for a few minutes. Then I saw Rob talking to one of the cops...it was so weird to see a cop, with a gun, in our yard! I heard a helicopter, and I imagined a fugitive on the loose, maybe a prison escapee, running to our house and hiding in our garage or something! Robbie came back inside. He explained that the cops had not fount anyone. Then they said how they believed that the person had tried to get into all the cars in our driveway....he had gotten into my sister in law's car (hence the interior light left on) but taken nothing. He then proceeded down to our carport, checked my car, but it was locked. He then went to Rob's truck, which was oddly left unlocked, and rummaged through. The person got into the interior console of Rob's truck, and in the mist of his rummagings, accidentally pushed the garage door opener! We suspect that the suspect then fled the scene, possibly scared off by the sudden noise and fear of being caught. He obviously left on foot, leaving his bike behind. We think it was a stolen bike too, cuz Rob observed it looked like a nice bike, with a woman's seat on it. Unless the suspect was a female... !You never know....
Anyway, we also found a piece of stone, which had been edging material for the flower bed out front, broken in two...the other half laying on the road. We think the suspect broke the stone, and the other half was found lying by Rob's truck. We believe it would have been used to break the car window if Rob's car was not already unlocked! What a mess that would have been.
It was a surreal, scary night. But God protected us and nothing was taken either. I felt a little better too, knowing no one was in the garage...it was a little more reassuring knowing they were after our cars and not trying to get into our house.

Apologies...

Can it already be almost 4 months since I had Madilyn? I was just reading my other posts, and I had almost forgot those stories I wrote already! I don't even remember blogging! I must have been doing it in my sleep :) It seems like only yesterday when I had her in my arms in the hospital, yet at the same time, it seems like she's been around for so long! I feel bad that I was so socially isolated the first 2-3 months...I was scared to go to church or groups or anything. I was still getting used to breastfeeding and sleeping so irregularly was driving me nuts at times. Plus I had the whole fear that she would catch a cold from someone and get really sick, which they say can be dangerous if you are under 2 months old.
Now that she's almost 4 months old, I feel bad about not seeing some of my friends...I hope no ones feelings are hurt, and if they are, I am sorry...I'm still getting used to this whole thing and am not as "get up and go" as I used to be. I sleep in when I can and struggle to get normal things done around the baby's naps.
I also apologize to myself because I wish I had journaled more in the first few weeks. I know a lot happened, but I was to exhaused to even care to take a few minutes to jot down my thoughts and feelings about what was going on. As I look back now, it might have been fun but oh well.... maybe the second time around I'll be more diligent. I'm trying to put together a baby book and calendar right now, and there are things that I can't remember already, like what day she grasped objects for the first time, or "found her hands" (what does that mean anyway?).

Another Day

Yes, another day.... its amazing how time flies....Madilyn is almost 2 months old!! As she sleeps in her swing, I'm stealing away for a few minutes...to eat leftover falafel and jot down a few thoughts.
I can't believe how tired I was today...I felt like I could sleep and sleep..and the strange thing is that last night Madi slept for about 6 hours straight (although she didn't go to sleep until 2am...)
I awoke to a beautiful day, at the same time a somber telecast of the September 11 dedication of the memorial at the Pentagon...I watched the news for a while, while I ate my bowl of cereal and remembered again where I was 7 years ago on that terrible day. I was getting ready for school (community college) and I happened to turn on the news right after the first plane hit the World Trade Center. As I watched in horror, right before my eyes the second plane came and hit the other tower. It was so surreal. I couldn't leave the television, and I thought about how it might affect my day at school. Would they close down? What was happening? I didn't know if there was going to be a bomb dropped or what. As I drove to school I heard in the car of the news that the third plane had hit the Pentagon. Everything was falling apart! I didn't want to go to class!! I went though, and we continued as normally as we could, but I knew that things were changing by the second. As I sat through my "Intro to Theatre" class, I knew people were crying, panicking, and much worse...It was a strange , strange day. Horrible. A day that would change our country forever. And yet still in the midst of it all, my grandmother was celebrating her birthday.... And she is as well today - 80 years. Happy B-day grandma. I'm sure she's seen a lot happen in this country in the past 80 years, so much has changed. What an amazing gift to be able to witness the technological, sociological, physical changes our country has gone through over all these years. Amazing.

No Rush to Grow Up

It seems to be easy when you have a kid to rush them in your thoughts to the next stage of development...."If only they could just tell me what they wanted", "If only they could walk", " If only they could hold their own head up." But why do we go there? Doesn't time fly fast enough? Sure, when you're caught up in the moment with a bazillion things to do - cooking dinner, keeping an eye on the baby, answering the phone, picking up the crying baby, rushing for the burning muffins, setting the baby down when she's tired (only to have her bounce wide awake as soon as you take a step away...!). In these crazy moments we go there with our thoughts...."If only" statments take over in our heads, and we for a minute imagine what life may be like "if only" our child could do just one more thing for themselves. It would be just that much easier on us, right?
I challenge myself to stop in those moments, to take back the statement "If only she could...." to "If only I could." If only I could cherish this second of life where my daughter is so sweet, so impressionable, so teachable, so cuddly, so dependant on me....and etch it into my soul, to be taken out in the future days when she doesn't want to listen to what I have to say, doesn't want to be cuddled anymore, wants to see what the world has to say, wants to be independant. I hope I can learn to appreciate these stages in all their difficulty. No matter how much they drain me, let me vow to not rush my daughter into growing up in my mind. She's already growing up too fast in real life! Unlike a lot of babies who lose several ounces of body weight in the first week, my daughter has been steadily gaining gaining gaining since day one! :)
My sister in law doesn't rush her kids to the next age until the day of their birthday... My neice won't turn 1 until 365 days after she was born. And why not?? I see her point now...

I love my job!

Ahhh, a moment of repose... never knew I could enjoy a moment like this until now. I mean that I really appreciate it more than I think I ever could have. My life is different: as a mom I now meet someone's needs in a way I never have before. I love my daughter sooooo much, it's crazy. But my life is so different now. I tend to her needs - her need to be held, played with, changed, fed... and yeah it happens to take up a lot of time. That's just the way it is now. And its fine, really, but it's also a drastic change from the life I used to live, a mere month ago and before.
As a married gal, I'd spend time with my husband, do the dishes, laundry, housework, and have everything "under control" most days I thought. My house didn't tend to get too messy I don't think and Robbie helped with chores and cooking when I needed a break. That was my "job", especially over the summer when I was finshed with my teaching job for the summer. I also took the responsibility of being pregnant as a sort of "job". I tried to eat really well when I could, following recipes from "What to Eat When Your're Expecting" and looking for healthy treats at the grocery store to take the place of my normal Chocolate Chip Cookie and Ice Cream cravings (although I did often indulge... just ask Rob about McDonald's sundaes). I took my vitamins and did almost everything normally as I would around the house and outside...although I pined when my mother in law mowed the lawn and Robbie did yard work- I wanted to be out there in the sunshine, sweating my butt off too! ( believe it or not, I kind of like mowing the lawn).
But nothing I did could really prepare me for actually having the baby here, in my arms, in my life, until she was here!
I never was a baby person really, I wasn't always comfortable around infants - they're so fragile looking and scary and when they're not mine, I'm a little tentative. But something happened when Madilyn arrived. She taught me to become a baby person~ her baby person! Something just clicked when she came into the world, and I just started taking care of her without thinking too hard about it, and it worked! I'll admit, I feel so much like "I have no idea what the heck I'm doing!" so much of the time, but somehow it works. I have a lot of support - my parents, in-laws, and sisters- in law have been amaaaaazing helps to me, answering my stupid questions, offering to watch Madily so I can take a nap, and just encouraging me along (the emotional support/affirmation is huge). All that to say, man, it's a lot of work, but it's soooooooo worth it! And I'm now appreciating more than ever (to get back to my main point) a few minutes here and there to "steal away" and do something quickly for myself.
And ironically as I type here..... motherhood calls - I see my baby squirming and grunting on the baby monitor. Back to work. And I can honestly say " I LOVE my job!!!!"

Madilyn Grace Scrapbook 1

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Life is such a roller coaster

Roller coasters aren't any fun unless they go up and down. That's what creates the thrill - the speed, the loops, the hills. That's kind of how life is, yet right now to me it's not really all that fun. I kind of feel like the motion sick scaredy-cat on the rollercoaster that is just waiting for it to slow to a stop!
I shouldn't have expected things to have continued in a hypothetical "straight line" for so long...I once heard that in life, most people either:
1. Just got out of a trial
2. Are going through a trial
or are
3. About to go through a trial
I was naieve to think that I could go so long without my "trial". I mean we all have trials of different kinds, different magnitudes, etc. Even if we aren't going through something, chances are we know someone close to us who is.
Well right now I am going through one. And the funny thing is at the same time, I'm about to have a baby! It really is a bittersweet time in my life. I am scared, but trying to trust in God and practice what it really means to be His follower. It's really hard, because life can throw at you some horrible circumstances at the same time it gives you beautiful gifts! How difficult it can be though to appreciate the gifts while you are writhing in emotional pain at the same time!
I am praying for healing, for miracles, for peace, and for joy.

Chic-Fil-A Update!

A while ago I wrote about a bad experience I had in ordering a "chicken salad" sandwich at Chic-Fil-A. I have to now update things now since Chic-Fil-A has made a recent improvement to their menu...ironically just a few weeks after my disappointing ordeal: they have a "new improved" chicken salad sandwich! Yay! The bread now looks (I haven't been brave enough to try it yet) a lot healthier and respectable- whole wheat. And it comes with lettuce and tomato.. imagine that! This is the chicken sandwhich I was expecting the first time. Ahhh, if only. Anyway, good for them.

Waterworks at Costco

Ok, so we had some extra food leftover from our babyshower, most of which included: several cases of drinks, some packs of rolls, a bag of Doritos, a canister of Pretzels, a 2 pack of Ranch dressing, 2 packs of cheese, and about 9 packs of turkey or ham lunch meat. We though about if we should try and return some of it to Costco to try to get our money back, but really weren't sure if they would actually take back things like bread, cheese, or lunch meat. It haden't been opened, so we thought we'd give it a shot, after all, that stuff is not cheap! And what would we do with 9 pounds of turkey? We could freeze it, we guessed....but nah, we wanted the money.

So I call Costco, and find out their return policy allows you to return food, as long as you have the receipt! Great, right?! But then when we thought about it, we were a little reluctant - I mean really, it's kind of embarassing to "return" 13 pounds of deli meat and cheese. I've been to Costo returning stuff, and seen people try to take back anything from an open bag of chips to a half-eaten container of potato salad, and I'll have to admit, its kinda gross. But at least it was UN-opened lunch meat and cheese? Can't be that bad, right??
I told Rob I'd take on the chore, and went with my sis-in-law to return the stuff.
Little did I know, my hormones would get the best of me. The lady at the counter so kindly reminded me that I could return the stuff, but it would have to be thrown away after I got my money back- they could no longer re-sell it. I knew that, and was fine with that.
That is, until I saw her chuck two packs of ham over her shoulder into the garbage can. It was too much for me to bear. I started welling up with tears. All I could think about was my friends down in Honduras, who live in little villages where the daily meal is tortillas, beans and bananas.
And here I was, getting my money back while watching perfectly good turkey and cheese be thrown away with the regular trash. I busted out crying, right then and there. "Just stop there, I can't do this, " I said. My eyes were gushing with tears by now, and I couldn't wipe them away fast enough. I felt like the biggest emotional sap. It would have been fine, but I could tell people were looking at me funny now. The lady behind the desk felt bad I think. She looked down at my belly and said, "awww.. are you pregnant?! how far along??" I replied "7 weeks" . She apologized for making me cry, and said something to the effect that this kind of thing was "normal" for someone in my stage of pregnancy (the emotional outbursts I guess). I told her it was ok, I just felt bad for people around the world with nothing to eat. I couldn't stand to see any more waste that I had control of like that - or that others were observing too. Couldn't they just take it home for themselves, or give it to some homeless people? What's wrong with that picture, right?
Anyway, I was a little embarassed about my emotional breakdown in public. I wasn't expecting that - at all. I got my money for the pretzels and Ranch dressing, but decided to take the remaing turkey and cheese back home.
So, anyone hungry? Come on over and I'll fix ya a turkey sandwich. I guarantee I'll have enough to make you one if you drop by anytime between now and 2010.

Chick Fil-A Disappoints

So I was at the mall with my neice, looking for something good to eat. A nice little snack from Chick Fil-A sounded great. Knowing they only have chicken, and I had already had chicken for dinner, I decided to go for something I'd never tried before. So I see on the menu that they have "chicken salad" on a sandwich. That sounded different, and I thought a nice little chicken salad, on a bun with lettuce and tomato would be good. Much to my chagrin, I opened my bag to reveal what looked to be a very plain, very disappointing sandwich. I mean, really- they must not have had a picture displayed for it for a reason.
All my sandwich consisted of was toasted (but no longer hot) white bread, with a very thin smathering of what they called "chicken salad". And this "chicken salad" merely reminded me of something similar to cat food mixed with mayo and some finely chopped celery. Oh yeah, and no lettuce, tomato........ or flavor! It looked highly un-appetizing, but unwilling to wait in line again and complain, I ate it - well as much as I could, and vowed NEVER to order it again (nor to recommend it to anyone else). So there you have it- If I were you, I'd stick to what Chick Fil-A does best: nuggets or the regular ol' chicken sandwich. Oh, and the Oreo Milkshakes. And fries.

Third Trimester Blues

Well the second stage went by without a hitch....no morning sickness, plenty of energy, feeling like my normal self...until yesterday. Hyper-sensitivity, emotional roller-coaster, leg cramps, wanting to just be alone....What's up with that? Where did it come from? Maybe it was the lack of sleep because I couldn't get comfortable the past two nights. I'm starting to feel that "you might feel like you're sleeping on a basketball" feeling at night, and I can't find a comfortable sleep position.

I just have to adjust myself to the changes, and expect that things will not be perfect, and not be surprised when the yucky parts of just being pregnant become more and more apparant. Its part of life, part of the whole process. I guess it just caught me off guard cuz I had been doing so well!
And no... I don't have a name picked out yet.

My First Blog: my thoughts on blogging

So yeah, here I am, doing my very first blog post. I'm a bit nervous, I must say, as I know people who do this very well and me being a first timer....well I don't really know what I'm doing. I guess I just write stuff here when I'm bored or have something on my mind, or want to get something off my chest. Am I supposed to expect people to actually read this?? I mean, who really cares what I think? Do people actually care that I am bored or want to vent about something? I also have to admit, I don't get the whole blogging thing. I'm being a follower....trying to follow this trend and keep up to date with life before my kid is born (yeah, i'm prego).
The funny thing is, being pregnant has already changed me in certain ways (aside from my ever-changing body) that I never thought it would. I mean, I'm starting to think of all these things I want to do before it gets here, knowing that I might not be able to do the same things once the baby has arrived. Not in a bad way......take this blog, for example. I started it because I want to be "up to date" with things, and this idea came from the fact that once my child is born and grows up, I know there are going to be things she far surpasses me on in her knowledge of technology (by the by, I am having a girl). I wanted to have this one thing (blog) that I could say that I started back before she grew up and blogs were outdated (will they ever be?). I guess it really doesn't matter. There are millions of people out there that don't have blogs and are doing just fine. I'm just trying something new I guess, since I only work part time and I want to feel like I'm doing something creative and lasting.
The other thing is, I used to journal a lot. I loved to write and see what I was thinking, and be able to articulate things that I could later look back on. The one down side to that was always having a fear that someone would read my journals, and think I was totally weird and crazy (which I very well may be). But still, some journals just aren't meant to be read by anyone else but the writer him/herself!
Yet I know that blogging is totally different in that all your thoughts and feelings are posted out there for the WORLD to see (that is, if they ever find you). That's another thing I don't get. Are you supposed to like send a mass-email out there for people you know to have your blog address, so they can visit it if they want? Or do people just blog, and if someone finds them, they find them? i guess there are no "rules" to blogging. you just do it, and if you want to give out your info. you do. If you don't, you don't.
The other reason I wanted to start a blog is that I like music and I like to write, and I like to write music! I've been in quite a dry-spell for a couple years now, and haven't really written any new good songs though. I thought blogging might get my creative juices going, just being in the habit of writing anything on a regular basis, even if its not necessarily "creative" or a song or whatever. I've heard that writing needs to be like excercise, you need to do it regularly to keep up your skills and to get better.
Anywho, this is turning into quite a long blog post, so I guess I'll stop now.
By the way, is the term "blog post" right? What do you say? I don't even know the terminology. O well who cares, it's my blog and I can do what I want!